The Top 5 Online Dating Myths — Debunked!
Online dating gets a bad rap.
Even though it’s been around since 1995, I still know several people who are embarrassed to admit they met their significant other through online dating.
But why?
You find the answers to your questions online.
You communicate with friends and family online.
You play games online.
You shop online.
People do just about everything online these days, so why not date?
If you haven’t tried it, it’s probably because you live under a rock (kidding!) or you’ve been tricked into believing one of these myths:
1. Online dating isn’t safe.
The absolute biggest misconception I hear about online dating is that it’s dangerous.
“What if the person is a serial killer?”
“What if they’re a rapist?”
“How do you know you’re not going to get catfished?”
Questions like these swirl around every time online dating is brought up, but they are blown way out of proportion.
Think about it: Sure, you can’t know everything there is to know about a person before you meet up with them after matching online, but how much do you really know about a random person you meet at a bar or in line at Starbucks?
Serial killers and rapists can strike anywhere, and they can seem totally normal and charming. It’s sad but true.
In fact, probably the easiest place to be a target is out at a bar or club when you’ve had a few drinks and your judgment is impaired.
When you meet someone online, you are likely sober, and you’re talking through a cell phone or computer. You have no obligation to meet them in person, and you have total control over the timeline.
If you want to talk to someone for a few weeks to get a feel for their personality before you agree to meet up, you can. If you get an uneasy feeling about someone, you can call the whole thing off, block them, and never deal with them again.
As long as you’re careful and trust your intuition, online dating can be one of the safest ways to date. And while I can’t promise you’ll never come across a scary person, it’s certainly a much safer option than picking someone up at a bar or club.
2. All the people on dating sites are pathetic and/or creepy.
So many people I’ve met who oppose online dating say, “Oh, I’ve tried it before, but all the people on there were total creepers. It just wasn’t for me.”
People forget that online dating is just like regular dating. You often have to kiss a LOT of frogs before you end up with Prince Charming, and online dating is no different in that regard.
You have to expect that a lot of losers are going to hit on you, and you just have to ignore it the same way you ignore the advances of someone you’re not interested in at a bar or club.
It’s also totally unfair to write off everyone on a dating site as creepy or pathetic. Have you ever been on one before? Have any of your friends?
I can guarantee that you can think of at least a couple of people you know who aren’t weird or desperate who are on dating sites. If those cool people are doing online dating, it’s likely they aren’t the only ones.
It’s hard enough to find cool, smart, funny, attractive people in everyday life, so what makes you think they should be easy to find online?
You wouldn’t be considering online dating if it were super easy to find a person who meets your standards. So, don’t give up the minute that you encounter a weirdo or two.
Hold out for the diamonds in the rough.
3. Sites like match.com or eHarmony are for old people, and everyone on Tinder just wants to get laid.
Every dating site has a different crop of people. But while there are sometimes trends to the type of people who use each one, there are no hard-and-fast rules.
I’m 31, and I can think of several people my age who have used all of those sites over the past few years and been successful at finding a significant other.
Dating sites are the same as cities; if you’re a super liberal person from the city, you’re probably not going to move to a small, rural town in the Bible Belt because there just aren’t going to be many people there that you gel with.
So if you try a dating site and just aren’t clicking with the people on it, try a different one. Don’t write off online dating altogether. You may have just ventured into the LA of dating sites when you’re more of an NYC type of person.
4. It’s impossible to have a “meet cute” online.
A lot of girls dream of that rom-com magical moment where they bump into their true love on the street or their knight in shining armor saves them during a true damsel-in-distress moment.
While daydreams are fun, and serendipitous stuff like that does sometimes happen, it’s really not that likely. Remember that movies are mostly fiction.
The fact is that if you are truly compatible with someone, there will be a fun, flirty quality to however you meet—whether it’s in person or online.
My last boyfriend and I were a good example of this. We met on OkCupid, and we were so compatible that we first messaged each other at the exact same time.
I was literally just finishing typing out a message to him when a message from him hit my inbox. We were online at the same time, and it was an instant connection the minute we read each other’s profiles.
Fast forward to one of our first dates, where a producer recruiting couples asked us to do a hair commercial. This really happened—like something right out of a rom-com.
We met online, but we still got our meet cute. You can too.
5. Compatibility rankings don’t actually work.
Sure, it’s impossible to match people to an exact science, and not everyone is going to answer questions honestly. However, I still think there’s something to be said for the matching algorithms on certain sites.
OkCupid’s matching was actually incredibly accurate for my last relationship. Based on our compatibility, OkCupid emailed my future boyfriend to my inbox, designating him a top match.
And obviously, they were right.
We were an 87 percent match overall. We ended up being very compatible on the categories we matched super well on (like, 90-something percentiles), and our lowest match percentage was actually in the area where we most disagreed.
In fact, the most interesting guy I’m talking to at the moment is also someone I met on OkCupid. We are a 99 percent match, and the site ranks him as the most compatible local person on the app for me. He’s awesome, and we’re having a blast getting to know one another.
A mathematician founded the site, and the effectiveness of their matching shows it.
I’m not sure if I’m more of an exception than a rule, and not all dating sites have as robust of a matching system, but I wouldn’t totally write them off.
If there are compatibility questions, answer them honestly. If a site emails you matches, check them out.
What do you have to lose?
You never know if your future significant other is waiting for you in that unopened email or alert.
Bonus myth: It’s embarrassing to meet your significant other online.
As I mentioned earlier, I know so many people who have met online but lie about it when others ask them about their dating origin story.
Why? What is so shameful about meeting someone on the internet?
I can hardly think of a person who hasn’t tried online dating or at least met a friend through the internet in one way or another.
Technology is omnipresent now, and people need to accept it—especially now when opportunities to meet in public are incredibly limited.
If the internet is such a huge part of our social lives, why wouldn’t we date there?
Truth: Opening up your dating prospects by joining a dating site or app is actually incredibly smart.
Instead of limiting your options to your social circle and the same tired spots around town—options you’ve probably already exhausted—you’re casting a super large net and giving yourself the opportunity to meet people you would have never otherwise come into contact with.
Online dating isn’t lame; it’s exciting and limitless. Give it a shot.
