Single(ish) and Over 30: Is There Something Wrong With Me?
“So are you seeing anyone?”
Dun, dun, dun.
The dreaded question we’ve all had to face at some time or another.
You know the cringe-inducing scenario: You’re catching up with relatives or old friends for the first time in a while, and for some reason, your relationship status seems to be the ultimate deciding factor in whether or not you have your life together.
What if the answer isn’t so easy, though?
Am I seeing someone?
I’m not exactly sure, to be honest.
Relationships aren’t as black and white as they once were. Dating is harder than ever before. People are prioritizing their careers and putting off marriage (or never getting married at all). Unconventional relationships are on the rise and becoming more accepted. “Seeing someone” could mean a multitude of different things to different people.
My Relationship Status
So what is my relationship status at the ripe old age of 31? Let me break it down for you:
I’m currently…
Actively online dating, doing virtual dates for the first time ever amid a pandemic lockdown and really enjoying it.
On the cusp of falling for someone whose sexual style and relationship goals are quite different from mine.
Finally getting over feelings I had for years for someone who seemed perfect for me but was completely unavailable.
In a long-distance, flirtatious friendship with a polyamorous English guy I met on the internet and spent 10 days hooking up with last fall.
Occasional friends with benefits with a younger guy who I’m pretty sure wishes I would want to be exclusive.
Regularly wondering if I made a huge mistake by breaking up with my ex three years ago.
Love and relationships are complicated, am I right? But I think it’s important to get real and share this stuff. Even as a dating coach, I can have a tough time navigating feelings and desires too. Emotions are tricky little bastards.
Just a year ago, I never would have guessed I’d be the kind of person to date more than one person at a time or consider an open relationship. I’d always been a one-man kind of gal.
But over the past year, I’ve learned that it’s totally possible and normal to love more than one person at a time. And that you can love people in different ways for different reasons.
Since this revelation, I’ve found myself wondering something a lot:
Am I Polyamorous?
I’m not sure, and while the word “polyamorous” used to sound scary and weird to me, it doesn’t anymore. It’s something I’m open to exploring.
Undoubtedly, you have many friends you love, who all complement you in different ways and play various roles in your life. Why couldn’t it work the same way with love interests?
Not to say someone who’s the total package doesn’t exist, but they may not be easy to find. Why not spend time with several people who, collectively, meet all your needs instead? I say that if you are completely honest with all parties and practicing safe sex, you’re not doing anything wrong.
I feel I would be happier experiencing loving relationships with many different kinds of people throughout my life rather than with just one for the majority of it. And to answer my own question up there in the title, no, I don’t think that means there’s anything wrong with me.
It’s just kind of a hard thing to explain to Aunt Karen at the next family get-together. lol
Questioning Relationship Norms
While I don’t think I’m broken or weird for wanting to explore polyamory, I do think it’s a stretch to say there is nothing wrong with me. Are there ways I could improve myself? Hell yes, and you better believe I’m working on those—as you should be too. The better version of yourself you are, the better your chances are of attracting awesome people to you.
Just my two cents as I try to overcome my own 31-plus years of programming that says I should be married to The One and popping out kids by now.
For the record, I don’t want kids ever, and I see no need to marry. It’s for this reason that I think I am still single(ish) at 31. If you’re a dude who thinks that’s cool and doesn’t want that stuff either, let’s chat. 🙂
So if you’ve wondered if there’s something wrong with you because you are seeking an alternative love story or haven’t yet found what you’re looking for, I hope this post helped bring you some comfort. You are not alone. Keep putting yourself out there and living authentically.
